My 100 Coxian Drabbles Filled With Sunshine!
by Oni Butterfly Formerly Klover
Summary: My 100 JD/Cox drabbles for fanfic100. Completely out of order, completely out of quality writing, and completely out of sanity. :D Just finished the Jasmine Arch, and doing a short Elements Run. After that: Mermaids.
1. 014 Green

**Author's Note: **So these are going to be my 100 stories from the fanfic100 challenge. A big note as well: I also signed up for the wtf27 challenge, and as you can tell this chapter is a mix of Challenge 14 Green for fanfic100 and Challenge 5 Tentacles for that. So about 27 of these will be out there. Be prepared! I want to think my Beta Reader Elemental Animal, and my 'kick-me-in-the-butt-to-finish-the-damn-story' person, BlueBladeRose. Hope you guys enjoy!

**Edit:** I've went through and fixed this a little bit. Just some spelling errors and such.

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While in the midst of Rowdy's bi-monthly bath there was a there was a knock at JD's door. Grabbing a towel, he dried his hands, moving quickly towards the pounding. Hoping it was Turk, who had been able to cut out on his shift early, he crossed his fingers. They could bathe Rowdy together, and then take him out to the park. Rowdy always liked to run around and get dirty after a bath, and it was so adorable Turk and JD just couldn't bring themselves to stop him.

However, it was definitely not Turk on the other side of the door.

"Listen Dorthy, do not eh-eh-eh-ver count on this happening again, no matter how much you tap those pretty little red shoes and beg for it, but here." In his hands sat a beautiful plant in a round green pot. He shoved the thing in JD's hands before the younger man could even speak. JD opened and closed his mouth, unable to form a coherent sentence.

Dr. Cox rubbed his nose and crossed his arms, a huge grin beginning to spread across his face.

"Well dammit Newbie. If that is all it takes for you to shut your trap I'm going to open up a charge account at that greenhouse." The older doctor walked in, sat his jacket down, leaned up against the back of the couch, and turned to face his boyfriend who was still staring out the open door clutching the flowerpot in a death grip. Perry chuckled which seemed to snap him out of the trance. He shut the door and turned to face the other.

"W-why?"

"Well gosh there Ronda, maybe I just wanted to see if one day the damn thing would grow big enough to wrap around your scrawny little neck, fulfilling a fantasy that I've wanted to examine for a quite a few years. Or perhaps, I wanted to see the look on your face after I grabbed the thing out of your hands and threw it out the window." JD wrapped his arms tightly around the plant clutching it to his chest. Perry bit his tongue to stop the bosom comment that immediately sprung to mind.

"Then again, I may just have wanted to…" He paused gathering his nerve, "apo-apolo-…Oh to hell with it. I'm giving you the damn thing so you would stop sulking about the shit I said about you in front of the interns the other day. You happy now?" JD could only stare for a few moments before grinning like the winning politician on election day.

"Yes." JD paused, thinking for a moment, before his grin turned to a frown and he gave the older man a suspicious gaze. Perry groaned and rolled his eyes.

"What is it Cheyrl?"

"Are you sure you don't have any…ulterior motives for doing this?"

"Like what?"

JD jumped as he felt something run up along his arm and wrap around his shoulder. He looked down quickly to find the culprit to be a long green vine. He gasped and dropped the plant, the pot shattering, but the vines continuing to slither upwards.

"The Hell?" Perry smirked, an evil glint in eyes that stopped the younger man in his tracks. The vines wrapped around JD's wrists then tightened around his biceps. He jumped as another vine snaked under his pants leg and began journeying upward.

"Oh? Did I forget to mention the other thing it did?" The vines around his arms began to lift him off the ground, his legs dangling in the air. Two other vines wrapped around his calves pulling them apart.

"Son of a B-" His cursing was cut short as one of the vines shoved itself into his mouth. Perry's eyes lit up like an orphan on Christmas morning with a tree full of presents. JD yelled around the vine as it proceeded to violate his mouth.

"I'm sorry can't hear you there Newbie. Speak up!" JD bit down on the vine and it jerked out in shock.

**"Where did you get this thing, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS?"**

"Pardon me there Newbie?" JD blinked and was confused by the worried look on Perry's face. "You were gone for a long time. I thought about fixing some popcorn and setting up to watch the show." JD blinked again. He looked down at the plant, back up at Dr. Cox, and then back down at the plant. The older doctor sighed.

"So no plants then? We'll just add that to the list." JD whimpered. Curse his damn imagination.


	2. 036 Smell

**This one is a little bit shorter but still not to bad. In my opinion at least. Oh well. Once again, horribly unbeta'd so take pity! This one has no crossover with wtf27 and is just completely Smell. I know these things are out of order...but I can't help myself. Woot! This one was also written a lot quicker than the other one so it is most likely of a lesser quality. Sorries. **

**THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED AND ADDED ME TO YOUR ALERTS! You are wonderful!**

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"Susan?" JD froze. _Oh god. No no no nononono…._"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" Refusing to move any other body part, he shut his eyes and prayed that hopefully he could suddenly learn how to disappear. "The she-devil interrupts my Sunday night routine of alcohol and half naked chicks and sends me out for some more shampoo and here I was thinking about bringing her back a bottle of glue, but little did I know she was giving me an early birthday present. Won't she be pissed?"

After waiting a few minutes hoping the he or the other man would just disappear, he finally accepted his doomed reality. Opening his eyes slowly, his vision meeting a line of women's shampoo's and perfume's, his hand wrapped around a blue loofah, and the undeniable knowledge of his mentor's presence behind him.

"So you gonna explain yourself there, Princess?" JD took a deep breath and quickly tried to think of an excuse. A girlfriend? No, Perry knew that he single. Present for Elliot? No, he would check with her. Oh! He was buying things to wash Rowdy with! He started to repeat that story when he heard the whistle. "Any time now Nancy!" JD quickly spun around and shouted out, unfortunately for him, the first thing he could think of.

"I like smelling nice!" Dr. Cox stared at him, with his eyebrow in the full upright and locked position, until JD felt about three feet tall. He put the loofah back on the shelf intending to walk away leaving his dignity behind him but he realized he really wanted the damn thing. Hell, there was no way to get out of this situation, so he may as well take the damn thing. He refused to use his again once he found out that it had played a part in one of Keith and Elliot's crazy sexcipades. Even after asking around, he still had no idea how a loofah came into play when one was role playing a cabin boy and a wealthy married passenger. Then again, he still wanted to know how they broke his waffle iron during the traffic cop and paper boy episode.

"Dear god, Jennifer. Sometimes, you just make this far too easy." While JD was still trying to figure out the semantics of the demise of his precious waffle iron, Perry took a step towards him placing both of his hands on the shelf beside his head. The younger doctor blinked back into reality when their faces were merely inches apart, the older one's mouth spread in a sinister grin. When he was sure he had the other's full attention Perry leaned towards the smaller man's neck. So many vampire fantasies ran through JD's mind at one time that his brain was almost forced to shut down. However, instead of a bite, Perry inhaled a deep breath of air.

_Did he just…sniff me?_

Perry pulled back up grinning from ear to ear.

"You smell just fine Newbie. Just, stay away from the girly stuff."

Before JD could reply the other man backed away and strutted out of the store, the grin never leaving his face. JD stood completely still, waiting for one of two things: the hidden camera to reveal itself, or his daydream to end. When neither happened, he finally gained the courage to move. Along with the blue loofah he picked up his normal strawberry body wash and headed quickly for the counter. He was not going to let that, whatever the hell that was, affect him in any way.

Halfway to the register, he dropped the body wash off, continuing on with just the loofah. _Well dammit. I'm at least keeping the stupid poof ball._


	3. 088 School

**Author's Notes: Was too anxious to post this instead of waiting on my Beta. I'm so sorry! I usually just write funny stuff and this is kinda serious so sorry if it sucks!  
****Warning: JD is seventeen in this. Be warned. Teacher/Student relationships if th****at bothers you!**

**EDIT**: This has been redone after being BETA'd! GO MY WONDERFUL BETA, Elemental ANimal! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!

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A knock at his door was the thing to bring Perry out of his dream world. Grinning, he swerved his chair around to face the door, eagerly awaiting the present about to be given to him. Taking a breath, he exchanged his grin for a more disappointed face. This was not the best time to let his guest know he had been waiting for this moment for more than a week now.

"Enter." The heavy metal door slowly opened to reveal a teenage boy with a baggy band shirt, flat hair, and loose jeans.

"Mr. Cox?" Perry swiped his nose and crossed his arms.

"Yes there Lucy?" The boy flinched and stuffed his hands in his pockets, lowering his head even farther so that his hair completely covered his eyes. _God bless, could this boy be any more pitiful? _

"Ms. Espinosa said you wanted to see me?" He continued to stand in front of the door, as if hoping to bolt at any moment.

"Right-o there Samantha, now come in and shut the door." The boy, JD, hesitated. "You're not going to like what happens to you if you don't." He gulped, knowing full well what could happen, and turned to shut the door. Before he could even turn around the older man was right behind him, arms crossed and staring him down. Jumping in surprise, he ran backwards into the door.

"Is there some reason why you asked to be moved to a different P.E. class?" JD stood where he was, still staring directly at the ground and refusing to look up. Perry growled, finally making the boy look up with fear filled, blue eyes.

"Let's try this again Susan. Why did you ask Bob-o to be removed from my P.E. class?" JD bit his lip and tried to lower his head again but the teacher grasped his chin in his hand and held their gazes steadily locked, causing the boy to whimper.

"Okay Rachael, you are going to listen and you are going to listen good, because I am not going to repeat myself again, and hopefully this time it will fit through that pitiful mess of crap you call hair into your tiny brain. You are mine. We've been doing this for months and you could've reported it at any time, so you obviously like it. So, after you leave here you are going straight to Satan's office and tell him you want to stay in my class, and that you want to apply to be my aid during your Study Period. Got it?" JD nodded slowly. Smiling, the teacher grabbed the boy's wrists and pinned them above his head before slamming him against the wall, pinning him down with his own body. JD let out the very girly yelp that always set Perry on fire.

"Now's that's a good girl." Perry crushed their lips together, eliciting a moan from the younger boy as he forced his tongue into his student's mouth. Eventually he pulled back from the bruised lips and smirked down at him.

You are mine."

"Yesss…" came JD's groaned reply.

Perry let out a possessive growl before attacking his lips again.

_Mine._


	4. 040 Sight

**Author's Notes: And I'm back to the funny again! Tee Hee. Not as happy with this one as the first one, but still likable.**

**Edit:** This has been fixed by my lovely Beta Elemental ANimal, and it is now in 1st POV instead of switching. Oppsie on my part ;;

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"Hey Carla, where's Turk?"

"Hello Bambi. He had some last things to finish up, he asked me to tell you to wait here." I nodded before leaning my head against the Nurse's Station. "So where are you boys going tonight?" Lifting my head up, I gave her a tired smile.

"No idea. Just hoping the inspiration hits us eventually." He noticed that Carla's attention was no longer on him, but locked on something just over his shoulder. He started to turn to follow her gaze but her words made him pause.

"Bambi, don't turn around."

Truthfully, she should have known better. As soon as the words left her mouth I whipped my head around. Behind me was Dr. Cox, staring me down. Well, technically he was staring past me but he's been so distant lately I take what I can get. I paused and waited for him to snap at me but for the first time I can remember he was completely silent. I turned back to Carla who was grinning far too much for me to take it lightly, then back around to see that he was still staring.

"Um…Doctor Cox?" I heard the crack as his neck snapped up so he was facing me. He paused for a moment and I briefly saw a flash of Doctor Cox, wearing a pair of deer antlers, standing in the way of a pair of bright flashing lights.

"Is something wrong?" The silence continued until Carla snorted. He jerked to look at her before turning back to me.

"Girl's Name. Horrible Doctor. Quit now. No hug." With that, he stormed off, only stopping to turn around and throw his pen at me, before continuing down the hallway muttering under his breath.

I turned back to Carla, my 'what the hell' face clearly showing but I was confused when her face did not mirror mine. In fact, she was currently laughing. My face took an even sharper turn towards confused.

"What the hell Carla?" She let out another round of laughter. "WHAT?" My voice squeaked so high that I thanked a higher power Dr. Cox had not heard it.

"Bambi! Didn't you see where he was looking?" I shook my head to the negative. She began laughing so hard it took her a bit to get the words out. "He was staring at your ass!"

"Huh?" The look on my face was apparently enough to send Carla into another round of uncontrollable laughter. She clutched her stomach as tears of mirth rolled down her rosy cheeks.

Realizing the nurse was not going to be any more help, I started down the hallways to find my Chocolate Bear. She had obviously been at work far too long and had to be imagining things. I mean, Dr. Cox was straight and even if he swung that way it wouldn't be towards me. Not in a million years.


	5. 035 Sixth Sense

Turk had always had a sixth sense about things that happened to JD.

He knew that JD was gay from the first time they met.

He knew his friend was in love with his mentor, before JD even realized it.

He knew that his broken nose was not from a drunken hobo, but from a poorly timed drunken confession.

He knew that JD's sudden depression was not caused by his supposed feelings for Elliot.

He also knew that when JD came out of the on-call room, looking thoroughly tousled, Dr. Cox would be leaving the room not a minute later


	6. 007 Days Jasmine 1 of 4

**AN: I really don't know what happened here. This was originally supposed to be 100 word drabble, that I gave up on. Then I decided to make it into a short snippet. Then it just got out of control! I had to go back and rewrite the beginning once I finished with the end. I apologize in advance, no really. **

**Thank you so much Elemental Animal! You're the best Beta ever!  
**

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Every single day had a specific theme to it; movies, tv shows, musicians, children's books, mascots, cartoons, porn stars, etc. Monday's theme, due to a late night marathon with his young daughter, ended up being Disney. He started off with the basics; Belle, Cinderella, and Pocahontas, but when he screamed Jasmine from the other side of the hallway, his protégée's eyes usually filled with annoyance at his mentor's degrading name calling, were filled with frozen terror. Confused by this reaction he whistled loudly, snapping the doctor out of his stupor, and was shocked when not only did the boy not cry out random nonsense, but instead blushed red enough to cover most of his face.

"I can explain…I just…it was…um…"

"Explain what Aurora?" JD's eyes shot up at hearing his mentor's confused tone and he could visibly see the doctor's body go slack with relief.

"Nothing! Nothing at all! What did you need Dr. Cox?" He looked at the older doctor, pleading him with his eyes to forget the slip. He already had his mouth open to ask, before he realized that truly, he probably didn't want to know, and began barking orders.

Morbidly intrigued by the strange look on his resident's face, he brought the name back on Tuesday with stripper names: Candy, Brandy, Jasmine, Delilah, and Chastity. Once again, his self appointed protégé blushed like a virgin, but didn't point out the repetition as he usually did when other accidental mishaps had occurred. Wednesday ended up being flowers; Jasmine, Daisy, and Rose, and again there was the blush. Perry was forced to do some internet research for Thursday and was less than pleased when all he could come up with was Pokémon names. More curious than annoyed about seeing the younger man turn red as a tomato he ended sticking with the cartoon names: Misty, Jasmine, and his personal favorite, Clefairy.

When Friday came, he found himself stumped. Annoyed at how disappointed he was, he quickly chose women authors: Jane and Emily. When Newbie got off his shift, an hour before Dr. Cox, the older doctor found JD giving him confused glances before walking out the front door.

Annoyed more than he thought possible, or at least more than he had been in a while, he flung a chart at Barbie, and marched out the door to follow the girly doctor. He nearly kicked over the man's, and he used that term loosely, scooter while roughly grabbing the front of the other's scrubs to push him into the wall.

"D-Dr. Cox!"

"Jasmine!" J.D. gaped aquatically up at him for a few moments before that familiar red tint covered his face. "Explain this now."

"I…um...wha-?"

"Playing innocent is definitely not going to work here Maya. Every time I call you Jasmine your cheeks turn as red as your lips are when you dress up in your skirt and heels and layer on that makeup like the little tart you are to go out on the town every night, looking for that special man to take you away from everything." J.D.'s eyes widened more and more with every sarcastic word that oozed from the man's mouth. "And by the way Virginia, you really should know, that respectable gentleman re-he-he-eeelly prefer their women not to look like their turning tricks-"

"I KNEW IT!" The older doctor jumped back as the other doctor screamed out his declaration. "Carla told you, didn't she? That dirty-I knew she couldn't be trusted but Turk thought she could help, and she does know more about that kind of stuff, but it just wasn't worth it! I know you kept using that name all week, but I thought it was just a coincidence! God, I can't believe I was so stupid!" Dr. Cox watched, stunned, as his young protege proceed to string together a line of curse words that he was completely certain he would never hear pass the boy's lips. Confused, but appreciative of a good rant of incoherent expletives, he let it continue before deciding enough was enough.

"What in the hell are you talking about, Newbie?" JD continued as if he hadn't even heard. Dr. Cox did not handle being ignored well.

"I just can't believe she would pull something like that! I told her not to tell anyone, and she knows good and damn well I meant definitely not you! How in the-" Coming to the end of his very short fuse he snapped and slammed J.D. into the wall again, causing him to stop his ranting long enough to pay attention to the older doctor.

"First, and let me make this very _very_ clear, no one interrupts my rants. No one." JD gulped. "Second, what in the hell are you babbling about?" The younger man blinked and continued to stare at him.

"Huh?"

"You heard me dammit! What in the hell are you accusing me of knowing because I hate to break it to you there Sylvia, but I don't sit around and gossip about you to your gal pal's." Perry's anger seemed to seep slowly from him when he saw the color start to drain from the JD's face, as he gave him a minute to let that sink in.

"Understand now? I've been calling you **Jasmine** all week because it seems to have such a lovely effect on you. So yes, that does mean that you just let it slip that there is some big secret that I should definitely not know, and it also means that you are now stuck telling me. You also know the consequences if you don't so go ahead and grow a pair real quick, or it's going to end quite nasty for you there, Newbie."

Later, he would swear that he could actually hear the younger doctor's stomach bottom out. JD closed his eyes, and began mouthing prayers to be anywhere but here. Considering that his warning had not made the effect he wanted Dr. Cox, his fists still clenched in the front of JD's scrubs, lifted the younger man off the ground. JD's hands went out to cling at the fists holding him up, his eyes darting frantically around the deserted parking lot.

"Tick Tock, Newbie. Tick Tock." JD, for lack of better description, squeaked.

" You'll kill me!" The older doctor merely lifted an eyebrow, far too calm for someone who was physical assaulting and verbally threatening a fellow employee.

"You don't know that for-certain, Stephanie; I may just maim you. However, you should know that your silence will definitely ensure a death sentence." He watched, amused, as the younger man bit his lip hard enough to bleed.

"Well that answer's that I guess. Didn't know you were suicidal there Newbie, and I'm sad that I'm actually doing you a favor, but the regret will pass. Quickly." Shifting so he was holding the other up with only one fist, he pulled the other back and poised it for attack.

"OKAY! Okay…I'll tell you." Dr. Cox lowered his fist a bit, but was clearly waiting for the story before lowering his defenses. "Last week, Turk and I made a bet while playing a video game. Whoever lost had to…" He trailed off, and looked around the parking lot once more before continuing. "…had to go to the bar dressed as a girl and flirt with whatever guy the winner chose. Jasmine was the name I gave the guy!"

Dr. Cox stared blankly, for a moment, before snorting and dropping JD. He immediately started wiping at his lip that was still bleeding slightly. The older doctor crossed his arms, and continued a short series of laughs that he knew would intimidate the other in, if nothing else, their blatant sinister nature. This has turned out better than he could have hoped for.

"Oh god, I must think you for this wonderful piece of gossip you've dropped in my lap Jane, I really must, but there is one there you left out." JD continued sucking on his lip, his eyes glued to the ground, his body tense in preparation of a beat down. "Why this does give me information with which to forever ban you from ever, and I mean forever, receiving a new set of man cards, and I don't just mean me but from any other idiot who somehow gets it into their head to do so, there just doesn't seem to be a reason hidden there for me to pummel you to death."

Assuming this would snap the doctor out of his frozen stance he was disappointed, as most assumers are. Cocking his eyebrow, he continued.

"Christ, Maya, I already knew you were a girl so I don't know what in the world you're shaking in your heels for." It wasn't until JD raised his head, his frightened eyes meeting Cox's own curious ones that the memories rushed back to him.

_"So what should I call you beside stupid?"_

_"J-uh…J…Jasmine! Call me Jasmine!" _

Suddenly and almost painfully, he remembered going to the bar Saturday night for a drink and a break from his lonely apartment. He remembered Gandhi sitting alone with a beer and a silent smirk to Dr. Cox's sarcastic inquiry to his boyfriend's absence. He remembered the shy, long haired brunette, with a squeaky voice, that had attempted to flirt with him, and had done such an abysmal job that he had allowed it to continue out of nothing but morbid curiosity. He remembered, vaguely, leaning on the rather sturdy girl as she helped him outside to wait on a cab.

What he had forgotten about till just that moment was pushing the girl up against the wall and attacking those pretty lips that had been tormenting him the whole night. He had forgotten the girl's initial shock that moved to a warming acceptance, and then a quick refusal as he was pushed away. He had forgotten his confusion as he watched the girl take off down the street with a strangely manly gate, before shaking it off as mis-communication and waited around for a cab.

However, probably the most important information that he had suddenly regained was her name.

"JASMINE!" he roared just a moment too late as he, for the second time that week, watched his protégée, the bane of his existence, and apparently the victim of an aborted attempt at revenge sex, flee from him.

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**AN: 0.0 I left a cliffhanger! I totally left a cliffhanger! *ducks mob* Next chapter coming up soon!**


	7. 060 Drink Jasmine 2 of 4

This is the sequel to Days. Well technically the second part in what I'm thinking is going to be a three part story. Once again, Thank you so much Elemental Animal!

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"So…um…Carla…How are you?"

"Bambi, you know I love you, but I have three minutes on my break, so can we hurry this up?"

"I'm sorry. I just…uh…Is Dr. Cox around?" There was a short pause.

"No, he has today off."

"Oh! Awe-uh…I… damn! Well I just wanted to ask him something real quick, but that sure is a bummer. Thanks Carla!"

"Why didn't you just call him?"

"I…um…Oh, I think I'm losing my signal, I'll see you later! Bye!"

"Wait, Bam-" He slammed his phone shut, and let out a sigh of relief. Carla may think he's nuts, but at least he didn't have to use one of his sick days. He needed those things!

Oh well, it was time to get ready.

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"Quit laughing this instant. Not only was I fucking wasted but he was wearing this mini skirt, a stuffed bra, glasses, heavy _heavy _makeup, and a long ass black wig. I mean god, the boy acts so much like a damn girl that I don't know why I'm even surprised he looks like one!" Perry finished his rant by slamming down his drink.

"I just don't see how you couldn't have recognized him." Perry gave his ex-wife the evil eye before taking another sip. "Even with all the extras, I think he would still look like good old DJ."

"Well I didn't now did I? You've made your point she-devil. I'm a blind idiot, ha ha, very funny. However, we have failed to get to the point where we figure out what I am going to do about this." Jordan raised an eyebrow before taking a small sip of her margarita.

"First, and this is very important Perry, we are going to do nothing. I'm here for nothing more than our weekly bullshit meeting of pretending to care about you, which, in case you were under a different assumption, is really just a front for me picking up my alimony check." Cox glared and took a larger gulp of his drink this time. "Second, I have made my point but you, no matter how smart you claim to be, did not get it." Before Perry could open his mouth, she had already begun again. "I was not implying you were too stupid to recognize the little girl, but was in fact stating that you did in fact recognize him; you just didn't care."

That was definitely not something Perry was ready to hear.

"I'm sorry my darling ex-wife, I must have just went off into an alternate world where not only did you accuse me of being a fairy, but also wanting to get 'jiggy' with Columbia." Jordan rolled her eyes and drowned the rest of her margarita.

"Nope, you were here and present, Per."

"How many drinks have you had?" She rolled her eyes, again, and grabbed her purse, standing up.

"That was my first and you damn well know it. Now, I'm going to go pick up Jack and Jennifer from my mother's and tell them how sad it is that their daddy is a flamer." He groaned and flipped her off, receiving nothing but a bitter smile in return. As she left he turned back to the bar to order another drink.

He didn't know how much he would have to drink to get that conversation out of his head, but he knew how much he was going to try.

"You know, I always thought you had something for Scooter."

Dr. Cox knocked over his empty glass.

"Jumpsuit, if I turn around and you're still there I can't be legally held responsible for what I will do to you. Mainly because, and I'm making a sincere and devout promise here, they will never, ever, find the body." When no other sound followed his threat, he smirked and set the empty glass straight.

"You see it all the time in children." Dr. Cox banged his head on the table as the Janitor sat next to him, cradling his own bottle. "Little boy's pulling pigtails and all the jazz. It makes perfect sense if you think about it." The doctor slowly turned to look at the other, his forehead still lying flat on the bar.

"You know Jumpsuit, if that's the truth, then it would mean you have thing for Magenta as well."

"What if I do?" Dr. Cox didn't even pause before he snorted in disbelief.

"Oh please." The Janitor took a long drink, before setting the bottle down, and giving him a pointed look.

"What? Just because I'm a janitor you think I can't have big dreams?" Dr. Cox openly gaped at him.

"Are you fricking kidding me?" Instead of a verbal response, the janitor merely continued to give him that pointed look that was starting to really grate on Perry's nerves. He knew he had to resemble a fish with his mouth opening and closing, but how in the world was he really supposed to come up with a comeback to that. His internal battle to decide between laughing hysterically and punching the other man in the face was interrupted when his drink was placed down in front of his face. Sitting up slowly, his eyes never breaking the awkward staring contest him and the janitor were having, he took a drink. Perry had almost finished his drink when he finally broke.

"And why in the seventh circle of hell are you telling me this?" This finally made the taller man break his gaze.

"It's simple really. See, I know that Dorian is gay. Hell, the whole hospital probably knows it, but he won't admit it. So I want you push him into it, because god knows he'll do anything to make you happy. Then, once you screw it up, I'll jump in and take over from there."

This was not happening. This was a weird ass dream or hallucination brought on from way too much pizza and scotch. He was sitting on his couch, passed out with ESPN on the TV and his hand down his pants.

"And even if you stick with him, I can at least try for a threesome."

No, this had to be real, because no one could have an imagination so screwed up that it would allow this scene to be born.

"You're on something aren't you?" The janitor shrugged.

"Maybe, but that's not the point. You're in love with Scooter and you need to go tell him. It'll make my whole life easier. " Perry groaned and finished off the rest of his drink. He stood up on wobbly legs, grabbed his jacket, and paid, all the while trying to keep his balance.

"Screw you Lurch, I'm not listening to this bullshit. I don't care who makes you neither regions quiver whether it's Carol or your new mop, but you are not dragging me into your strange ass fantasy world."

Perry was at his car before he realized the Janitor was standing right beside him.

"What the **fuck** Jumpsuit?"

"Why in the world are you fighting this so bad? It's not like I'm asking you to be Scooter's bitch or anything."

Before his brain could catch up to his arm he had swung his body around, his fist clenched out and heading straight for the other's face. The Janitor dodged to the left, but Perry kept moving forward. He moved straight down onto the pavement, smashing his head, and very effectively knocking himself unconscious.

"Wow. Well that worked out better than I could have hoped for."

* * *

"Um…Dr. Cox?" Perry let out a long groan. Who the hell was speaking to him? _ Why did his head feel like he took a nose dive into a brick wall?_

Warily, he opened one eye. When the only thing he could see was a bright blue blur, he shut it. Shaking his head slightly, he tried again. This time he could make out the blur as a pair of bright blue scrubs. Was he at the hospital?

"Uh, Dr. Cox? Are you okay?" Oh god, he knew that voice.

"Go…hell away…Janet."

"I wish I could, really, I do…but you're kind of in between me and my apartment." What?

"What?" He tried to move his head but the blaring pain behind his eyes forced him to rethink his decision.

"Are you drunk?"

_Yes._ "No."

"You're drunk."

"…Concussion."

"You have a concussion?"

Hearing the concern in the other's voice caused him to jerk his head up. His heart clenched as he took in JD's worry filled eyes, when something came to him through the fog.

"Stay away from the Janitor…three-way…."

"Okay, now that's just too much." Suddenly JD was right in front of him, holding his eye open.

"What's your name?"

"Carol…"

"No that's my name, wha-dammit! You tricked me!" JD's anger seemed to make him a bit more lucid, and he chuckled.

"Perry Cox."

"And what day is it."

"Dun know. Last time I was awake it was Saturday." JD looked down at his watch.

"Well now it's officially Sunday. What's the last thing you remember?" The younger doctor nearly gasped as Perry broke into a large grin.

"Punching the Janitor."

"You…wait…what?" The grin was instantly gone.

"He was saying stupid things. You need to stay away from him, Newbie. He might rape you."

"I…uh, what?"

"Rape you. Once he realizes he can't get the three of us into a three-way he's probably going to rape you." The look on JD's face would have made Perry's year if he'd been awake enough to enjoy it. "You just stay away from him. He's crazy."

"I, uh, Dr. Cox, I'm almost one hundred percent sure you have a concussion, so do you want me to call an ambulance or just drive you there?"

Perry grabbed the front of his scrubs pulling them extremely close.

"You're not listening. He's gonna rape you." JD slowly nodded.

"Okay." Perry nodded again before his gaze turned curious.

"Actually…you don't look like that much of a girl."

"I-thank you?"

"Even with the wig and makeup…I should've…" His eyes closed as his head fell.

"Dr. Cox? You have to stay awake! Dr. Cox! Perry!"

* * *

**AN:** It should be known that the original ending was the Janitor basically bonking Cox on the head and kidnapping him in his rape van, before dropping him off at JD's. However, my good friend BBR said this was a bit too Dateline MSNBC so I changed it. However, if you like that ending better, imagine it that way. :D


	8. 042 Triangle Jasmine 3 of 4

**AN:** Sorry this has taken so long, but I was unable to contact my Beta. This was edited by me, so if you see any big mistakes feel free to point them out! Thanks to BlueBladeRose who is one of the main reason these chapters keep getting written. The other main reason being the wonderful reviewers!

---

"I already told Dr. Rose what happened, why the hell do you need to know?"

"I'm sorry Dr. Dorian, but you know this is part of the procedure."

"Like I told Dr. Rose, I have no idea what happened to him. I came home from work and found him sitting in front of my apartment. I'm not certain if he was unconscious or just asleep, but he did wake up when I started speaking to him. His words were slurred, but they evened out eventually. His movements were sluggish and he seemed disorientated. However, his pupils were fine and he knew his name. He did still think it was Saturday, but it wasn't even one yet so I don't think that's due to the head injury." JD chuckled a bit to himself, before launching back into his story.

"When the ambulance arrived they said that he wasn't unconscious, just asleep, and they woke up him easily, even though he was still disorientated, but he fell back asleep before we arrived and they let him. When I spoke to him he seemed to remember what had happened, but I do recommend at least a CT scan to check for internal bleeding." After he finished his story to the resident on call, and watched him leave, he finally sat down in the chair beside the bed where his mentor lay sleeping.

When Perry finally did wake up his eyes were immediately drawn to a good sized pair of sweater covered breasts. One would think his inability to look away was due to his being a man, and that was part of it, but he was more inclined to think it was because they were directly in front of his face. It took a few seconds of investigation for him to discover the identity of said breasts.

"Now Barbie, I enjoy a good pair of perky sweater puppies as much as the next man, even as much as I absolutely loathe your very presence, but if you do not remove yourself from within my line of vision in the next twenty seconds I will personally see to it that that sweater you are wearing is _permanently_ attached to your skin."

He was pleased when said pair of breasts let out a squeal and bolted from the room. His basking was cut short when he realized that not only was he in a hospital room, with no concrete recollection of how that happened, but his protégée who he had been hoping to avoid like the plague was sitting across the room from him.

"That wasn't very nice. She was just checking up on you," J.D. mumbled, looking caught between following his distraught friend, or staying with his mentor.

Perry made the choice for him.

"Well what the hell are you waiting for Shirley? Go after your little gal pal and give her my _sincere_ and heart-felt apology." J.D. stared at him for a moment before walking over and resuming the check up that Elliot had ran out on. Surprising the hell out of J.D., the older doctor was silent throughout the whole examination.

"Right....Well, grade I concussion and drunken exhaustion aside, you seem to be doing okay."

"That's just great to know there Denise, but it would real nice of you to take a break there from playing doctor and tell my why in the hell I'm in a damn hospital bed?"

"You mean, you don't remember?"

"Did I stutter?" JD groaned.

"Okay, what is the last thing you remember?" Perry paused for a moment before snorting. _Having the strangest conversation I think I have ever had or ever will have._

"Leaving the bar."

"And what happened at the bar?"

"…Nothing." JD rolled his eyes at the obvious evasion.

"Okay well, that still doesn't explain how you ended up curled up on my door mat unconscious with a post-it note on your shirt that said 'IF LOST PLEASE RETURN TO DOCTOR DORIAN'."

"What?"

"And you kept talking about the Janitor!" JD blushed as the older man shot him a piercing glare.

"What did I say about the Janitor?"

"Um…nothing. You, uh, just said his name and stuff."

Dr. Cox growled, "Katie…" as JD scampered out the room as quickly as he could.

---

"Dear god Perry, could you not pull this crap? I mean, there I was finally getting a good night's sleep when I get a call telling me you've apparently knocked yourself unconscious. So I drive down here, hoping against hope that I can convince them to pull the cord just to find that you're awake! Couldn't you have at least stayed out long enough for me to smother you in your sleep?"

"Jordan, next time I'm in the hospital can you do me a favor and just stay home. It's proven that the presence of evil slows the healing process."

"Of course, why do you think I'm here?" Dr. Cox shrugged. He didn't have a good comeback for that. "Now, what in the world did you say to your little girlfriend that made her run out like that?" The doctor looked away and had it been any other person, Jordan could have sworn he was pouting.

"None of your damn business, so unless you're actually going to go ahead and smother me with a damn pillow, would you please go back to watching the souls in hell."

"Yeah, no. I think you need to explain to me how in the world this whole concussion thing came to be." Perry refused to look at her.

"I have no idea. The last thing I remember is leaving the bar, and then waking up here with Barbie's rack in my face." Jordan raised an eyebrow before sitting in the chair formerly occupied by JD. She snapped her fingers and the intern on call went to her side immediately.

"You, get me a coffee, or a margarita if you can find one. Hop to it!" The intern gulped before rushing out. "Now, tell me what really happened before I tell the whole hospital about you and your girlfriends little encounter the other night." While Perry had doubts she would hold true to her death, he had learned through their many years together that having any sort of doubt that she would, was a good enough reason to do what she said.

It only took a few minutes for him to recount to her the whole conversation between the Janitor and him, even with the intern interrupting their conversation to bring in the coffee, but it took quite a considerably longer time for Jordan to stop laughing. By the time she had calmed down enough to speak, Perry's heart rate monitor was beeping loudly.

"Oh god! How in the world do you get yourself in these situations? It's like some kind of Love Triangle from hell!" The thought of how truly messed up of a love triangle it was sent her into another set of giggles that, while shorter than the first set, was still quite a considerable length. Perry crossed his arms and waited for her to finish.

"So what do you think; Jumpsuit knocked you out?"

"It's crossed my mind. How else would I have ended up on Lori's doorstep?" Jordan took a contemplative sip of her coffee.

"In any case, we'll find out soon enough. The little girl's on her way over to his place right now."

"What?" Perry was getting sick of having to repeat that word.

"Yeah, I ran into her on her way out. She said she was going to ask him what happened. Apparently, though I don't want to know how, she knows where he lives, and what the hell do you think you're doing?" Perry shut the heart monitor machine off, flinching as he ripped the various cords off his body. Waiting a second, he was pleased when no alarms were set off, and he quickly jumped out of the bed.

"Perry?"

"Where the hell are my pants?" He let out a triumph shout as he found them, his mood quickly going south when he checked the pockets and came up short. "Jordan, give me your cell phone!"

"Perry, you should get back-"

"Give me your damn cell phone woman!" Jordan rolled her eyes but handed it over to the man. Dialing quickly, he was not pleased when it was not the owner of the phone who answered.

"Why hello there, Angry Doc."

"Damn it Jumpsuit, where the hell is Newbie?"

"Oh he's around here somewhere."

"Give him the phone," the doctor ordered through clenched teeth.

"I would, I really would, but he's kind of busy. Maybe you could call back later?"

"Dammit you son of-"

"Uh huh, yeah, very interesting. Well it's been nice talking to you, but I have things to do. Bye bye now!" The phone hung limply his hands before he finally started moving again.

"Jordan, get your keys."

"Perry, I really don't think you should be-"

"Damn it woman! That piece of shit is going to rape Newbie if we don't get there! Do you realize that? I don't know what kind of things that psycho is capable of but he probably has him tied up and-"

"Perry! Get a grip. I didn't say we weren't going! I wouldn't miss the chance to see you protect DJ's virtue for anything. However, seeing as you have a concussion, I think I'll handle the driving. Now get your damn pants on!"

---

Perry was really going to have to talk to Bobo about the security in this hospital. It only took about fifteen minutes for him to change into a fresh pair of stolen scrubs, have Jordan log in to the computer for the janitor's address, and then sneak the both of them out. Hell, they didn't even have a single close call. Not that he was complaining, but it really was a bit too easy. Once they got to the car, he took another one of the tylenol that had been located conveniently next to his bed, hoping it would take care of the headache threatening to build up behind his eyes.

"After we rescue her sorry ass, I'm going to brain Sara."

Jordan snorted as she turned a sharp left, flinging Perry to one side.

"Oh please Per, you can stop pretending now. We both know you want to bonk the girl's brains out."

"Jordan-"he started to growl when he was cut off.

"Oh don't you Jordan me! I'm driving my recently concussion-ed ex-husband around at three in the morning, just so he can save poor little DJ from being ravished from the evil Janitor! Now, I'm fine doing this as the unresolved sexual tension between the two of you has been more fun to watch than any show on television, but if you're not going to try and at least meet me halfway here I'm going to dump your ass on the curb, and leave the princess to be ravished."

Jordan grinned as Perry stayed quiet the rest of the trip.

---

**AN:** I know it's short, but do not fear, the next (and last) chapter in this series is already completed. I just need to start editing it...

After that, I'll be doing the rest of the prompts. For the next prompt, I am thinking mermaids. Anyone? Mermaids? Thanks for reading guys!


	9. 039 Taste Jasmine 4 of 4

**AN:** Titanic-Huge Thank you to Joanna Hepler, the most amazing Beta in the world. She's the best; no joke. You excited about the two updates in one night? Thank her. There is a longer Author's Note at the end, so I'll meet you there!

---

"Listen, um, Mr. Janitor, I know we don't necessarily get along, and I know you hate me, but Dr. Cox has a concussion and we don't know what happened and the last thing he remembered is talking to you and I was wondering if you maybe saw what happened and could you back up a bit please?"

The Janitor smirked at JD's rambling and looked down at the girly doctor, flush against the wall.

"Sure thing Scooter, I'll tell you exactly what happened to Angry Doc. But first, you're gonna have to do me a favor."

"W-what kind of favor?"

"A big one."

_Oh god. This was not going to end well._

---

When they finally arrived, Jordan didn't even have the car in park before Perry jumped out and took off in a headlong run towards the door, with Jordan stumbling along in heels attempting to catch up. Clearly on a mission, he leapt over the fence circling the small house and made a beeline for the door. Growling loudly, Perry didn't even try to knock as he began to kick at what he assumed was a locked door, but when he found himself flying forward, putting everything he had into regaining his balance as the door flew open, he found out quickly he had assumed wrong.

He had yet to regain his balance before he heard a timid: "Dr. Cox?"

"NEWBIE?"

"Oh god, Per, what is he doing to him? Is it bad? Move out the way, I can't see!"

"Jordan?" It was sad, Jordan thought, that even she couldn't reach a high note like that.

"What. The. Hell." Perry hissed each syllable out through clenched teeth.

"Dammit, I wanna see! Move it Perry!" The elder doctor growled as he was pushed aside by his slightly mental ex-wife.

While she had been prepared for many things, Jordan was in no way prepared for this.

JD was standing in the center of the Janitor's living room, hands clenched in terror around the handle of a still-running vacuum cleaner with an apron covering his chest, the words "Kiss the Maid" scrawled across it. A few seconds of awkward silence passed before the Janitor let out a deep sigh, reclining on the couch.

"Oh damn. I was hoping he would at least get the kitchen done. Ya just can't find good help these days!"

This absurd statement was quickly followed by "D-Doctor Cox?" and "Dammit Perry!" howled in sync, accompanied by a loud groan from the man himself.

"I came here to rescue a girl from being raped, not watch her learn some new housekeeping skills. You owe me big time on this one, Per!"

"W-What? Who was being raped?" JD stammered.

"You were!" The apron-clad doctor blinked at her. "Damn it, I wash my hands of this. Find your own way home!" Perry didn't even look Jordan's way as she turned and stomped back to her car.

"I'm going to be raped?" the Janitor snorted.

"Not in this lifetime, Scooter."

JD immediately whipped around to face him. "Hey! Are you trying to say that I'm not good enough to be raped?" He paused, before blushing. "I mean, not that I would want to be, but I'd like to think people would want to…Wait, that didn't come out right either. What I'm trying to-" JD whipped his head back around as he heard his mentor give a feral growl that he translated correctly as "Stop babbling, Jennifer!"

"Jumpsuit…I am going to murder you."

"Wait-Dr. Cox! What are you doing here? You have a concussion! You should be at the hospital!"

"Let me explain. See, Angry Doc here thought I was going to rape you, so he came to rescue you."

"WHAT!" JD's mouth hung open as the Janitor snickered loudly.

"Dr. Cox? Is he-" Perry cut his protégé off by groaning loudly, his hands running across his face and up through his hair. He tugged on his curls in frustration, which only caused him to groan louder.

"To hell with this!" he roared, stomping out of the house. He wasn't really surprised to find his ex-wife was gone, her car with her. It was way too late for the bus to be running, and he was in the middle of a damn residential area, so the chances of him finding a taxi were laughable. Thoughts of stepping into oncoming traffic were considered, but eventually dismissed. His only viable option staring him in the face, Perry eventually began to walk in a random direction.

"Dr. Cox!" Groaning, he picked up his pace. "Dr. Cox, wait up!" He wanted to run, and he did pick up his pace up to a jog, but groaned anyway as the doctor side of him took over again. Running, sprinting, or jogging all increased the chances of him bashing himself in the head again and while he may be fine now, two concussions in a twenty four hour period would not end well for him at all. Only going fast enough to be considered as 'speed walking' meant that eventually the bane of his existence was able to catch up with him.

This didn't mean he was going to stop, though. Hell, no.

Perry saw JD catch up out of the corner of his eye. He was pleased to see the girl out of breath.

"What is going on?"

"Stay the hell away from me, Jasmine." JD blushed, but kept his pace with the older doctor, looking imploringly at him.

"Please tell me what is going on…Please?" Perry growled and picked up his pace.

"No."

"Why not?" Feeling his temper break free, Perry stopped suddenly. JD stumbled forward, and had to retrace a few steps, the stop too abrupt for him to catch immediately. The older doctor crossed his arms, preparing himself for a rant.

"Listen here Newbie, and listen well. This whole night never happened. You are going to start walking in the opposite direction, go home, call your boyfriend and tell him everything is just peachy, put in your Britney CD, and forget anything you have seen or heard tonight, as well as anything that may or may not have transpired in the last week. If you ever bring up any of this," he gestured wildly with his hands, "insanity again, you should be aware that temporary insanity due to head trauma is a perfect legal defense! I promise you, I will immensely enjoy watching the life slowly leave your eyes, as I hold you down and strangle you to death." JD gulped. "Is that perfectly clear, Elizabeth?"

Perry smirked, hands on hips, as he waited for the other man to flee the scene. JD mumbled something that caused Perry to lean over, hand cupped over his ear.

"What was that, Newbie?"

"No," was the quiet response.

"What?" Perry was already seething.

"I said no!"

"Now listen here-"

"No, you are going to listen, Perry! If you don't want to tell anyone about this, then fine – my lips are sealed – but I am getting an explanation. At first I just thought that the Janitor was screwing with me, or you, or it was some kind of bet gone awry, but then Jordan and you just show up to save me from being 'raped'?! Not to mention you have a concussion and I still haven't found out the reason why even after cleaning the Janitor's living room – in an _apron_, god dammit – and someone is going to give me some damn answers or I'm going to lose it!"

_Oh hell, no._

"This is not a good time to grow a pair, Maggie."

"I don't care!" JD yelled. Perry started to explain to him why exactly he should care, but JD cut him off. "Please, I'll leave you alone for good; just…just explain to me what is going on."

Perry opened his mouth to tell the whiny tramp where she could stick it, but he shut it as the other's words penetrated his mind.

"You will-you will leave me alone for good?" he repeated. JD grimaced hearing his offer repeated back to him, but he nodded slowly.

"Well geez, Sally, why didn't you say that in the first place?" He looked around quickly, spotting a bench just a few feet from them. "First, I'm sitting down."

Neither said a word as they walked over to the bench. Perry sat down, arms crossed, staring into nothingness. JD sat as far away from his mentor as possible, crossing his arms around his waist, shivering slightly as the cold metal of the bench traveled quickly through the thin material of his jeans.

"Second, if you even think about telling anyone-"

"Yeah, yeah, you'll rip off my fingernails and make them into a necklace. Got it, thanks."

"It's time for you to shut up now, Newbie," he smirked, "but thanks for the idea. I'll be sure to save it for you." JD rolled his eyes, but Perry was mildly amused to catch him gulping when he thought the older man had looked away.

_Okay, time to get this over with Perry. It's like a Band-Aid, just do it quickly._

"Okay, here we go. So after you scampered away from me this afternoon – sorry, yesterday afternoon – I went to the bar, where Jordan eventually found me. Apparently, I was drunk enough to tell her about how much of a girl you truly were. It appears that Jumpsuit thought it would be fun to eavesdrop on our conversation. After she left he decided that was as good a time as any to tell me that not only did he dream of being your 'Prince-Charming', but apparently he wanted me to be the one to initiate you into the world of rainbows and pillow-biting. Somewhere in between storming off and waking up at the hospital I was deposited in front of your door step with a concussion, with no memory of how or why it happened."

"…What?" JD shook his head slightly. This was too weird.

"Yeah, exactly. Now why in the world are you wearing a damn apron?"

"Oh…Oh! This? Well, I – wow, this does look pretty bad after all the stuff he said." JD chuckled. "It's not bad though. The Janitor said if I cleaned his apartment he would tell me what happened between the two of you."

"Fantastic."

"Yeah."

Another awkward silence took hold of the pair, both hoping the other would break first.

"So what was the thing about a three way?"

"WHAT?" Perry's eyes widened; should he have remembered this?

JD flinched, but continued on. "When you were at my doorstep, you said something about the Janitor getting us into a three way."

Perry groaned. "Oh god…The psycho said that if, and I quote, I didn't screw up our relationship – meaning yours and mine, Cindy – he could at least try to get the three of us together."

"Seriously?"

"Why in the hell would I make this shit up, Sharon?" he snapped.

"Yeah, good point." JD shuffled awkwardly. "Um, Dr. Cox, can I at least tell Turk about the Janitor stuff? I mean, it's so weird I kind of need to talk to someone about it."

"No."

"But-"

Perry finally turned to face the younger doctor. "No, means no, Newbie! We had a deal, I spill my guts and you forget all of this."

"…and stay away from you forever," JD whispered.

"Oh God, yes, I forgot the best part. In fact, since I've just blemished the sidewalk with my innards why don't we skip to that last part of this Devil's Deal."

JD's eyes stayed glued to the ground. "Is that really what you want?"

"How in the world could you have been awake for the last eight years and still have the guts to ask that question?!" Perry all but roared. JD turned to face him.

"Well, you rushed down here to save me though…That's got to mean something, doesn't it?"

"Don't give me that crap, I've suffered extreme head trauma. You know I can't be held responsible for my actions."

The younger doctor's features hardened.

"Bullshit."

"What?" Perry could not even begin to describe how much he needed a thesaurus.

"Bullshit! Listen, Perry, no matter how much you pretend otherwise I _am_ a doctor! While you getting it into your head that the Janitor is going to rape me is, given the situation, perfectly excusable, sneaking out of the hospital and gallivanting down here to save me is not!"

"…Gallivanting?" Perry's eyebrows shot clean off his face.

"Yes, gallivanting!" _Thank you, Word of the Day._

"What did you expect me to do, let you get raped?!"

"Well, no, but you could have got someone else to go check on me," JD offered.

Perry scoffed. "I had a concussion, like anyone was going to believe me."

JD scoffed back in a poor imitation of Perry, before dropping his voice to a low whisper. "Yeah, but you're Dr. Cox. Three-fourths of the hospital, including some of the senior staff, would set themselves on fire if you told them to."

That was…somehow true. Why didn't he think of that before? I mean, hell, all his wife had to do was snap her fingers and a scared intern had run and gotten her a cup of coffee. It wouldn't have taken much more to threaten one of the weaker interns into doing his bidding. Why in the hell didn't he think about that?

_Dammit Perry, _he growled inside his head,_ tell the kid something. No one was at the hospital? Yeah, right. Think Perry. Oh! No interns were on call? Wait, damn it, he was there, he knows better. Hurry! The hospital was on fire? Oh god, no, it's been silent too long; he's giving you that grin. He knows! Think, Perry, think!_

He started to shout out that the hospital had been set ablaze when he clamped his jaw shut mid-syllable. If he was going to lose his dignity, he was at least going to do it without shouting random gibberish out.

_Marsha, here's looking at you._

"I'm sorry; did you say something there Princess?"

Let it not be said that Perry Cox doesn't go down without a fight.

"I so totally knew it! You do care!"

Even if it was a futile attempt.

For the first time since they sat down, Perry uncrossed his arms, only to slam them down with an almighty _clang_.

"I DON'T CARE!" Perry shouted at the top of his lungs, the echo ringing in his ears.

"Then why do you keep stringing me along?" JD whispered forcibly.

_What?!_

"You call me names, you ridicule me at every turn telling me about how I'm a horrible doctor, and how you hate me so very much, and just when I finally get to the point where I think I can get away from you and stop worrying what you think, you pull some kind of crazy crap that makes me think, 'Wait, maybe he doesn't loathe me entirely!' So what am I supposed to do, Perry?"

He had to shut the kid up, and he had to shut him up _now_.

"You charge down here to save me from an imaginary defiling and then you sit here and try to tell me you don't give a shit? Well you need to make up your mind cause I-Ah! What-mmph!"

Those lips were just like he remembered; soft, warm, and just a hint of something disgustingly fruity. Was it pineapple or coconut? He gripped the boy's shirt tightly, pulling him halfway into his lap, as he attempted to get a better taste.

_What am I doing?!_

It took a second for his brain to catch up with body, and as soon as he realized what he was doing he jerked his head back, though his fingers still had a death grip on JD's top.

"I..." JD's cheeks were flushed scarlet, panting heavily, trying to catch his stolen breath. No matter how much Perry wanted to think otherwise, even at his girliest, the other man didn't seem too feminine at this moment. Even his red tented cheeks couldn't take away from the slight stubble on his cheeks, or the large Adam's apple, or the intensity of those eyes bearing straight into Perry's.

"Please…do that again." He did, and even watched as JD's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

_What am I doing?_

It was definitely coconut—lip gloss? Though, truthfully, it was a distinct possibility that he just naturally tasted like that. Groaning, he thrust his tongue forward, demanding entrance that was readily given. There was no taste of coconut here, just an overall tang of sweetness, causing a shiver that ran all the way down to his toes.

_Dear God, Perry, you're tingling!_

JD moaned and wrapped his fingers through the older man's hair, pulling their faces together. Perry released the t-shirt, his hands scrambling down to grip tightly on the boy's denim clad back-side, pulling him fully into his lap. The younger man groaned and pushed until Perry's back was digging into the bench. After what seemed like a blissful eternity, they pulled away, panting heavily, foreheads resting together. Even after resting in silence for a few minutes, Perry had no idea what to say.

JD shuffled around, trying to get his legs in a more comfortable position. Perry groaned.

"Don't. Move."

"Why not-oh…Oh! Sorry." JD grinned sheepishly.

"God kid, I hate you…"

JD smirked, before softening. "I love you, too."

Perry froze, and as soon as JD realized what he'd let slip, his eyes widened to comic proportions.

"I-I mean, I hate you too. That's what I meant, I hate you too."

"No it isn't," Perry hissed.

"No it isn't…" JD replied in a much quieter voice.

"How long?"

JD shrugged in response.

"Come on, Mary, you've already ruined the moment, at least tell me how long."

"I-I'm not really sure. Carla says from Day One, but… well you remember when my dad died…"

_What the hell am I doing?!_

"Four years?" Perry felt his mouth hang slightly open.

"I know, how pathetic, right?" Perry bit down on his tongue to keep from agreeing. "I know it's pointless and ridiculous and if you could just forget what I said that would be amazing. 'Cause then we could get back to the good part. Actually, I'm surprised you haven't started freaking out yet and in any case I want to keep going with the good part until your head injury heals and you realize what you're doing." JD started to move forward again, but a hand on his chest stopped him.

"Listen, JD." Perry paused to give the younger doctor time to squeal inside his head before continuing. "This thing, me and you…I don't think I could pull that off. I'm good, but I'm not that good. I mean, I'm straight for starters, and that kinda puts the kybosh on this whole thing. Besides, we both know what I'm like with, well, people, and I just think it would be better if we forget the whole thing ever happened."

He expected an argument, but he figured the kid no longer had it in him. Perry closed his eyes, the kid's heart-broken face threatening to shatter his own.

_That's right, I'm a coward._

"Whatever you think is best, I guess."

"Dear. Frickin'. God."

_Barbie?!_

"Elliot?!"

And of course, there was Elliot standing right next to the Janitor, her fingers pulling her hair out.

"Are you frickin' serious?" She turned to look at the Janitor, who simply stood there, somewhat impassive. "You're right, they're perfect for each other. They're both such idiots!" She turned back to them. "Dr. Cox! You are a grown man with an unhealthy addiction to working out and, well, yourself! Plus you call the guy who follows you around all the frickin' time girl's names. How straight do you think you really are?"

The Janitor snorted, by way of contribution.

"And JD, fight for him damn it! You know how stubborn he is. You're gonna have to punch him with a brick to get him to do anything but if you really love him, then it's worth it! Right?"

"W-wha-"

"Oh, to hell with you both." She turned and stomped off in the opposite direction. "Come on Janitor, I owe you five bucks." The Janitor winked at them, before jogging to catch up with her.

The awkward silence that followed that random outburst dragged on for a little longer than strictly necessary.

"She calls him Janitor?" JD wondered aloud. Perry grunted in response, still refusing even to face the other doctor, let alone acknowledge he was still sitting in Perry's lap. "What were he and Elliot doing together, anyway? You don't think, they're-" JD gesticulated wildly, "-ya know? I mean, I know he told you that stuff, but maybe he was just making it up. That seems like something he would do." _Dear God, the girl is rambling_.

"Damn it JD, just shut it." To JD's credit, he did for a moment, but then his eyes shifted to those of a man with a purpose.

"Listen, Dr. C-Perry. We should talk about this."

"I am so-ho _nawt_ having the relationship talk with you there, Clarabelle."

That's when Perry realized something. JD had been sitting in his lap for at least twenty minutes now. It was true that half of it had been spent in a lust-induced fog, but even when Barbie had snuck up on them he'd felt no urge to knock the boy to the ground. Hell, the idea hadn't even occurred to him.

Just like how it never occurred to him that the interns made fine serfs.

That maybe the Janitor might not have less than honorable intentions towards his young protégé.

That no matter how often he called the fellow attending a girl, no amount of make-up could make him pass as a girl, even to his own intoxicated eyes.

God damn it.

"I just think we should-"

_I am going to regret this._

"Listen here, Angelina. I'll tell you what we're going to do. You are going to grab that damn scooter of yours and take us back to my apartment, and for the next twenty-four hours the only words I want to hear pass your coconut lips are 'Harder' and 'It's so big!' Is that perfectly clear, Newbie?"

JD nodded dumbly.

"Good, now get the hell off me before we're arrested for public indecency." JD scrambled off him, face frozen in shock. Perry stood up slowly, hearing his back pop and crack. He glared down at the younger doctor, daring him to say anything, but he merely gave him a smile. Perry leaned forward and kissed him again.

"I love you, Perry."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it Shirley. We'll talk about you having my babies later, just go and grab that 'vehicle' of yours. Go!" JD grinned and skipped back to the Janitor's house to grab his scooter, whistling loudly. Once he was out of sight, Perry rubbed his hand across his face.

_I am __so__ going to regret this._

While Perry continued to berate himself, he couldn't help the smile spreading all over his face as soon as JD pulled in front of him, wearing that stupid hair-met and a large grin. He slowly climbed on the back, wrapping his arms around the other's waist. JD shivered. Perry smirked.

"Could you do me a small favor there Newbie, and not get us killed?"

"Sure thing, Perry!"

He roughly pulled them together, chest to back, causing the younger man to yelp. Perry chuckled.

_Then again, maybe I won't regret it too much._

"Drive, Newbie."

-- The End --

**AN:** Yeah, I know. Random Elliot. What can ya do?

First things first, in the name of giving credit where credit is due it should be know that my favorite line in this entire thing ("_Thank you Word of the Day_") was given by my beta, Joanna Hepler. There are also a few other lines that she was kind enough to insert as well ("_Marsha; here's looking at you_" was another awesome one), but that was my personal favorite. So a huuuuge thanks to her for that, not to mention the wonderful _wonderful_ beta-ing she did. Everyone give her a hug. I'm serious.

Second, a big thanks to BlueBladeRose, who is responsible for the cameo of Elliot's breasts in the beginning. She says 'Your Welcome'.

So this is the ending of the Jasmine arch in this 100Prompt series. What is everyone's opinion on mermaids? Thank you to all those who read, and especially to those who reviewed. You guys are the best.


	10. 051 Water

**AN:** Okay, I know I said mermaids, and it's coming, but I was going to go ahead and post these five drabbles I wrote a week ago for ides_of_march: Water, Air, Earth, Fire, and Spirit. I'll post one of these a day, to tide you over, and then onto mermaids, and then something vampire-ish after that. Squee! Oh, and if anyone has anything they want written just post it in a review and if I think I can, I'll totally write it. I mean, come on guys, I got a hundred of these to do. Oh, warning, this is the happiest one of all the drabbles!

---

It's almost midnight when I find him at my doorstep. It must be raining harder than I thought, because he reminds me of a drowned rat. Before my sleep deprived brain can tell him so, he says he hates me: for being me, for doing this to him, and mostly, for being so damn persistent.

I say I'm sorry and that I love him.

Then he kisses me and even inside, protected from the harsh downpour, I'm drowning. Drowning in hate, love, and some sort of emotion in between that could only exist--and work--with the two of us.


	11. 052 Fire

**AN:** And the next drabble. Thank you guys so much for the reviews! :D You guys rock!

---

I remember him telling me the last ones were better than sex, but I never really believed that he was speaking from experience. As I watch him, silent and invisible, from the other side of the crowded bar on the other side of town that he seemed to be hiding in as well, I realize that there is so much about my mentor I am clueless about. Dr. Cox seemed too logical to do something so foolish, but as I watch him light the cigarette, another 'last one' he tells the bartender, I realize that some things were above logic.


	12. 053 Earth

**AN: **I got my days messed up. Opps! This one is 315 words, in order of the Ides of March, which is when it was written. Hopefully, the next one will be at the correct time. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for all the reviews!

---

It's taken eight hard years but I finally understand the hidden meaning behind the sarcastic words that Per-Dr. Cox always throws at me: "Congrats on not killing anyone today Gloria," means 'Good Job'; "Get the hell away from me," means 'I'll see you later'; and "Today is not a good day to screw with me Penelope," means 'I'm going to page you as soon as you're off so I can screw your brains out'.

It's getting harder to hide from everyone. I want to shout it from the rooftops but he put a stop to that idea early on. Once, I asked him to break it off with Jordan, and his bitter laugh rings in my ears every time I think of repeating that mistake again. I want a real relationship instead of quick, heated, meetings that end with an uncomfortable ride back on my scooter, but I'm beginning to accept that that's not a possible end to this parody of love story we have going on. Not when he has two kids to think about, and an image to think about even more.

Tonight, it's a park. It's the same park he brought his kids to that morning; I think that's where he got the idea. A large row of bushes give us the perfect cover. While he pushes me down onto my knees, always facing away from him, I can't help but dream of what it would feel like doing this on a mattress instead of a bathroom stall, the back seat of the Porsche, or a dirt patch at two in the morning. When we're done, I consider telling him about all those things that I wish we could be.

"I will never get this dirt out from behind my nails."

The worst part is while he completely understands everything I'm trying to say with that girly complaint, he stays completely silent.


	13. 054 Air

**AN:** Eh, not to happy with this one, but what can you do. One more drabble after this! Thank you so much for the reviews!

---

No matter where I go these days it's like he's always there. Before everything got weird, when I would look for him constantly, I could never find him. Now I can't avoid him.

He told me it was a stupid drunken mistake. When I told him it meant more, he said he'd 'let me off with a warning this time.'

He thinks I confused. How can I get him to understand that night was everything I wanted and how the hell am I supposed to get over him when he won't leave me the hell alone?

I need some air.


	14. 055 Spirit

**AN:** And something merman-ish should be up in the next two days! I'm sorry if I haven't gotten around to replying to your reviews but I promise I will soon! Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing, and I hope you've enjoyed these drabbles!

While I may not be an expert on relationships, I've been in enough to know this isn't normal. Carla tells me that there is no such thing as a 'normal' relationship, but what we have is pushing it. Ever since we started this 'thing' as he calls it, it's been a whirlwind. When he ignores me I feel like I'm drowning, but when he touches me I feel like I've been set aflame. I'm constantly trying to stand on unstable ground, and if I don't find a second to catch my breath I think I'm going to lose my spirit.


	15. 015 Blue My Inlet, My Outlet Ch1

**AN:** I am so sorry for how long this took. Also, it should be know that I suck at replying to reviews. Will get on that soon, I promise! Thanks once again to Joanna Hepler for being an awesome BETA and just awesome in general, and thanks to BBR for helping me figure out how to start this damn thing off.

_It should be known that no dolphins were harmed in the writing of this story._

---

**My Inlet, My Outlet**

For as long as people have been people and beaches have been beaches, the ocean has trapped them all with its mysterious and majestic allure. The beach will always be an ideal place for a short vacation, away from all the troubles of the world. Many would view the chance to spend their every moment relaxing in the warm sand and watching the movement of the tide as a reward for a life well spent.

The warm ocean breeze carried a pleasant scent; the salty air it brought along was soothing and calming, the humidity supposedly good for the lungs. The call of seagulls and the distant hum of sail-boats were a steady background symphony, reaching out and filling their listeners with an air of tranquility.

Many men and women would do anything to be in Perry Cox's shoes. Two weeks' vacation, to be spent alone on his ex-wife's beachfront holiday house, twenty minutes from any sort of civilization and a good half a mile from his closest neighbors.

Naturally, Perry was miserable.

Though it was difficult to tell by sight, as he was lounging in a plush beach chair on the wooden deck of an extravagant house. His sandaled feet were propped up on a cooler, fully stocked with nothing but alcohol, with his flower print swimming trunks and red and white hockey jersey wrapped comfortably around him. Perry used one hand to flip open his persistently ringing cell phone, the other being delightfully occupied with a recently opened beer bottle.

"No, Jordan, much to your never-ending displeasure I am yet to hurl myself into the sea, but damn it – if you call me one more time to bug the crap outta me about eating, drinking or – god forbid – _feeling_, that may _nawt_ be the case for much longer. So go ahead, what is so damn important that you couldn't have said it last time we talked which was, what, twenty minutes ago?"

"Hello to you too."

Perry smirked at the exasperation in her tone, and took a quick swig of his beer. "Put down the beer, Perry." He bit his lip to stop from growling, and slammed the bottle down on the glass patio table with a loud clang.

"Good, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" He mumbled something unintelligible, and Jordan decided it was probably better not to ask what it meant. "So what have you done today?"

He sat up straight, taking a deep breath and lathering his voice with that patented Perry-Cox-Fake-Cheeriness.

"Oh well, Jordarooni, let me tell ya! I managed to wake up early enough this morning to beat all the other girls to the shore so that I could pick all the best sea shells to add to my collection! And then I had just enough time to watch the sunrise. It was so beautiful, that don't ya know, I just had to paint it. I'll be sure to show it to you when I get home."

"Perry-"

"Oh! Then I was sitting out on the beach, building a sand castle all by my lone self when I saw a school of dolphins out past the rocks! So I ran right in, got my scuba gear, and went out to swim with them. Aren't they just amazing? But wouldn't you know it – they didn't want me to swim with them. Yeah, they just keep trying to get away from me! So you know what I did?" Perry's head was bobbing up and down, having apparently forgotten that Jordan couldn't see him.

"Listen-"

"I gutted them Jordan." His voice dropped to somber, emotionless depths. "I gutted them all and splayed their lifeless bodies out along the beach until they spelled out Ben's name."

The phone played host to a moment of crackled silence.

"Then I rolled around in their blood for a while until the neighbors stopped by to see why the dolphins weren't squeaking anymore. Would you like to hear what I did to them?"

Jordan groaned before finally hanging up. Perry smirked, satisfied, and took another swig from his bottle before glancing over to the dolphin-carcass-less beach.

While the dolphin story had just been a rant to piss off Jordan, now that Perry thought about it, killing a few dolphins probably wouldn't hurt right now. Thing was, though, he hadn't seen any in the week he'd been sequestered in this shining hellhole. Possibly, he mused, because dolphins were early risers, and he'd spent every night here drinking himself stupid before chucking the empty bottles into the ocean, all the while screaming at a god in whom he didn't quite believe anymore.

"Speaking of which… beer, that is, not Jordan's nemesis…" Perry shrugged to himself before draining the bottle in his hand. He casually plonked the bottle on the deck before reaching into the cooler to grab another one.

Since dolphins were out of the question, he was just going to have to find something else to kill, dismember and arrange lovingly on the beach.

But what? Certainly he'd seen nary another living thing out here since his neighbor's welcoming visit. Before verbally forcing any ideas of kinship out of the nice man's head, Perry had conned him into taking him into town to purchase a few crates of beer. He couldn't really help it. Jordan had left him here without a vehicle, and he wasn't about to walk fifteen miles to the nearest liquor store. Well, that wasn't _entirely_ true. If his new neighbor hadn't been so accommodating, he probably would have done just that.

Just as well, then. Being sober was never good for Perry. It led him to ponder things he was normally dissuaded from discussing. Things like, "How much lead will I need to tie to my shoes in order to take the shortest scuba trip ever?" Just as Perry's mind strayed to such topics, his cell phone rang again. He didn't immediately recognize the number.

"Yeah?" he grumbled.

"Hello Perry." Bob-o? What in the hell was chief of medicine doing calling him? Maybe the bastard was going to tell him he could finally come home.

"Damn Bob, I can honestly say for the first time in my life I'm actually glad to hear your voice. So just spit it out already, when do you want me to come back?"

He heard the older man scoff. "Bad news about that actually. I hate to be the one to tell you…Oh, who am I kidding. I had Ted steal your harpy of an ex-wife's phone so I get to give you the good news. After extensive talks we've decided to extend your vacation leave for another two weeks."

"A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH?!"

"That's right, sport. Ms. Sullivan convinced me that you haven't had enough time to properly grieve. Something about the murder of innocent mammals..." Perry groaned. Jordan never could keep her fat mouth shut. "So you just keep enjoying your trip, and we'll hold down the fort here. Hope you're having a great time!"

Perry could still hear the older man's laughter ringing in his ear even after he clicked the phone shut with a little more force than was strictly necessary. For good measure, he reached in and turned it off. It was that or throw it into the ocean.

Was Jordan _trying_ to get him to kill himself? That had to be the only reasonable explanation, though for the life of him he couldn't figure out why. Unless it was out of pure spite. He briefly considered this possibility, but dismissed it as even a little too extreme for the Queen of the Darkness. Hell, she'd gotten half his stuff in the divorce and it's not like he had left her any money in his life insurance policy. "Oh, yeah…" He cringed and took another swig of his beer.

If he did plan on killing himself, he was going to have to call and change the benefactors for his plan. Couldn't really leave everything he owned to a dead man, could he?

Perry quickly stood up. Today was going to be different, he told himself. While he'd spent the last few days doing nothing but sitting in a lounge chair, getting drunk and thinking up increasingly hilarious ways to off himself, he couldn't bring himself to keep going. He had to do…something, or all that joking he was doing about suicide was going to stop being funny. Grabbing two beers (always take a backup), he headed off down the beach for a walk. Walks were good for you, Perry told himself sternly, no matter what your condition.

While Perry might not have believed in all the New Age crap his patients were so fond of these days, he'd been a doctor long enough to know that emotional stress can easily end up becoming physical stress. The last thing he needed, lectured the stern doctor voice at the back of his brain, was to get sick and extend this vacation from hell any further. So here he was, walking down the empty beach, clutching a beer bottle, thinking about anything but the person with whom he used to share this shoreline.

"No sweat," he told himself, his voice laced with false bravado.

A little ways further down the beach was a small drop off carved out by the rough Pacific waters. Perry remembered joking with Jordan the first time she brought him here.

"Wait, Jordan – isn't the only reason you bought this in the first place 'cos of all the good places to hide the bodies?"

He also remembered noting never to crack jokes around his mother-in-law.

As Perry stood at the head of the cliff, glancing down at the jagged rocks that lined the bottom, he remembered Ben mentioning a small cave that sat at the bottom. He'd said he spent most of his childhood holed up in the cave, visiting it as often as possible.

"Worth checking out, eh, Ben?" Perry asked the air whirling around him.

The climb down the rocky cliff wasn't nearly as bad as he'd thought it might be, though he did manage to avoid looking down. The slight buzz enveloping him didn't really help. When Perry reached the bottom, he took his time finding his footing amongst half submerged rocks. To his right was the entrance to a decently-sized cave, the bottom half long enough to stay uncovered while the incoming tide lapped against it.

Yet Perry's attention was suddenly elsewhere – the naked body of a man, splayed awkwardly out across the entrance to the cave, half submerged in the water.

---

**AN:** I know! I'm horrible. All this time, and no JD/Cox interaction! Hate me if wish; I know I would. It's all in the name of build up, I promise!

Also, a small thank you to my fiancée and roommate for having to listen to me recite the Dolphin Massacre Rant to them various times. Thank you all readers and reviewers!


	16. 081 How? My Inlet, My Outlet Ch2

**AN:** I have no excuse for how late this took to get out, besides to grovel and beg for forgiveness! Also, this should be know to some of the people who's reviews I replied to. I may have changed the direction this story was going, through some very helpful advice of my Beta, the amazing Joanna Helper. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. It's not a big deal, it just changes the story from an Alternate Reality to an Alternate Universe. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

---

It took a few seconds for Perry to break out of his stupor of surprise and break into doctor mode. After all, how often do you see a splayed out naked man lying in a cave in the middle of nowhere? Certainly not often enough to have trained for it.

"Hey!" Perry screamed loudly, trying to get the other man's attention. His stomach sank when he received no answer.

Against his better judgment he took off at a run, leaping from rock to rock, before landing rather awkwardly in the entrance of the cave. His rusty rock-hopping nearly caused him to tumble into the water as the man's identity became clearer to him. It was all Perry could do to stop himself from falling backwards.

_Carol?!_

JD was pale. So pale that all thoughts of how and why his coworker was even there were momentarily forgotten. His unnaturally white skin burned into Perry's eyes as if he were staring into the sun, with his serene, childlike expression belying the seriousness of what was happening.

Fearing the worst, he quickly dropped to his knees, ignoring the pain that flared up as soon as he bent them. Lowering his ear to JD's mouth, he was relieved, and somewhat surprised, to hear slow, unlabored breathing.

Suddenly, the breathing stopped.

Whipping his head around, Perry's eyes met those of his – dare he say it – protégé. Open, conscious, and very confused.

"AAAHHHH!!!" JD's high-pitched scream caused Perry to yell in euphony, leap back, and very nearly fall into the water. He caught himself at the last minute, while he watched the man he had thought was unconscious backpedal into the cave wall opposite him.

"D-Dr. Cox?" JD stuttered while pushing his hands back against the wall, using it to push himself up. His eyes darted around nervously, as if looking for a quick exit. "What are you doing here?"

Perry quickly jumped to his feet, giving a menacing growl. "Whoa there Newbie, I think the real question is –what the hell are _you_ doing here?!"

JD blinked up at him, blankly innocent. "I mean, geez, I know you're taking my suspension badly but dear god, Amanda, I thought you could handle not being near the object of your affections for more than a few days! I don't know if your mom ever told you this, but the whole stalker thing," Perry whispered, his mouth moving so widely JD could lip-read, "_it really turns the boys off_."

"I wasn't stalking you!" JD spluttered, with Perry merely raising an eyebrow. "I was…robbed!"

"…Robbed?"

"Yes!" JD grinned and nodded eagerly. _That's my story and I'm sticking to it._

"Oookay, then how did you end up down here, er…" Perry paused looking for the right turn of phrase. "Naked?"

JD blinked. "Um…I…wait! I worded that wrong. I was robbed by the sea!"

"What?" This time both of Perry's eyebrows raised themselves.

"Yes! I was robbed by the sea. You see, I was surfing on a surfboard—as surfers are want to do—and I…fell? As my clothes were attached to my surfboard-"

"Wait, hang on a second." Perry paused for effect before interjecting, "What?!"

JD tilted his head, puzzled by the interruption. "Isn't that what surfers do? Attach their clothes to their surfboard in case of an accident?"

"Nooo, ya big galoot, they tend to actually attach _themselves_ to their surfboard. But no, no one ever in the history of surfboarding has ever attached their actual clothing to the board, and by golly there Sally, I'm pretty damn sure it's not even physically possible."

"Oh." JD started to actually – and god, how Perry wished he was imagining this – pout. "Are you sure?"

"YES, ya psycho. And if you had actually been 'surfing' and somehow magically lost all your clothes, that still wouldn't explain what you are doing four hours away from the hospital, and consequently, on the same hell-hole island on which I have currently found myself. Now, instead of you blabbing on about your adventures as the newly-elected Mayor of Don't-You-Dare-Take-Me-To-Funky-Town why don't we play a new game? Here's the rules: you have sixty seconds to tell me three things." Perry demonstrated by lifting one finger. "What the hell you are doing here," a second, "how the hell you even know where this place is," and a third, "and why on God's green earth I am being forced to stare at your hairy… urgh, I can't believe you even have one of these… penis!" His face briefly spasmed before remembering the fourth thing. "And…go!"

JD stared at him with an empty gaze, blinking heavily, as his clogged mind tried to process what he had just heard. Suddenly, he groaned, feeling his mind work for just a second, and banged the back of his head against the cavern wall.

"Oh god, Jordan is going to kill me."

"Wait, that hellcat knows you're here?"

JD's eyes widened dramatically. "Oh, no, not that Jordan. I meant another Jordan." Perry growled.

"How many Jordans do you know?"

"…Michael Jordan?" JD asked hopefully.

"If it were possible to demonstrate the expression commonly known on the Internet as a 'facepalm' without covering said face in algae and sea-poop, rest assured my head would be in this palm faster than a bottle of scotch. Now shut the hell up!" JD gulped and nodded meekly, backing into the wall.

With JD successfully silenced, Perry took a long look around the cave. In the back of the cavern was what appeared to be a small living quarters, with a rope hammock hanging between two haphazardly stationed posts. Next to that was a square plank of wood, covered with a couple of candles and a pack of matches. It hung from the ceiling by two pieces of rope that were somehow nailed into the rock, and Perry inwardly marveled at how the scrawny muscle-less man had managed to get the nails in. There were three more hanging rope cradles: one with a large bundle of books, one with a small beach bag, and one holding a large wooden box.

"What the hell is all this? What are you, like, camping out down here?" In reply, JD shook his head furiously.

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"That's it." Keeping JD silent and still with a piercing glare, Perry whipped out his cell phone and quickly dialed the number of the very last person he wanted to talk to at that moment.

"I assume you've heard from Bob?" Jordan drawled, the crackle of the phone line making her voice sound even more witch-like than usual.

"Yes, but don't you worry your little gargoyle head, I'll scream about that later. Believe it or not, I actually have a question for you."

"Oh?"

"Do you happen to know why in the hell I am standing here in a damn cave, on your property I might add, chatting up a certain resident of mine who just happens to be naked?" He heard a sharp intake of breath. "You see, I'm asking _you_ because while it's normally impossible to shut the little girl up, she seems pretty tight-lipped about this whole situation. Well, except for accidentally slipping your name into the conversation."

"Of all the things – I am going to kill him!" He was surprised, but pleased, to hear the frustration in her voice.

"So you do know what in the hell is going on?"

"Possibly," replied Jordan, to Perry's increasing frustration. "Oh, just hand him the phone."

"Why?"

"Just do it!" Jordan shrieked. Perry rolled his eyes and huffed before handing the phone over to JD. He stared at it for a moment, as if unsure exactly what to do with, before finally lifting it to his ear. His eyes never left Perry's.

"J-Jordan?" He smiled and Perry assumed she had responded positively, which only seemed to irritate him further. His smile turned sheepish. "Yes, I was naked…I told him I was surfing and the sea robbed me of my clothing…No, I don't think he bought it." As JD listened to what Jordan was saying his eyes flicked from Perry to the entrance of the cavern and back again. "Yes…Yes…I'll do my best…I am really, really sorry. You're not going to actually kill me are you?" He chuckled at her answer. "Thanks. I'll see you later."

Finally, JD handed the phone back to Perry, grinning nervously all the while.

"Perry?"

"Have a lovely chat with your gal-pal there, honey?"

Jordan snorted. "Shut up asshole. Okay, listen," she took a deep breath, "there is something going here that you don't know about."

"Well, thank you, Captain Obvious. Gee, I was just hoping you would come along and rescue me from this whirlpool of stupid you threw me into. Now, seriously Jordan, what the hell is going on?"

"Oh God, it's such a long story. Where should I even start…" she trailed off, muttering to herself.

"Anytime this year would be nice."

"Wait, this will help." Perry subconsciously raised another eyebrow. "You said you're in the cave right?"

"Yes…"

"Do you see the big wooden box in the back?" Jordan asked, not waiting for an answer. "Go look in it first, and then I'll tell you everything." He grumbled and took a quick look back at JD, who was grinning innocently at him, before moving to the back of the cavern. Perry was only a few steps from the box when he heard a small splash behind him. Quickly, he spun around to watch as JD swam away, and by the time Perry reached the edge, he had swum behind a cropping of rocks and out of sight.

"Son of a bitch!"

"Perry? You there?"

"Jordan…he just-"

"I know you're mad but you have to understand that Bob did what he had to do," she told him smugly.

Perry, who was in the process of emptying out his pockets and pulling off his jersey, froze where he stood.

"What?" he whispered harshly.

"I know you don't believe it, but we're worried about you, Perry. I mean, come on, you did almost kill the Janitor."

"You don't think stealing my stethoscope and using it for colonic irrigation tubing was a good enough reason?" He paused and scowled to himself, remembering. "That woman was wrong. It's nothing like sitting on the toilet."

"Mm-hmm. Which is precisely why Kelso sent you here."

"I'm not talking about you, Bobo, or that psychopath custodian!" Perry shouted down the line. "That jackass just took off!"

"…Who?" Jordan asked innocently.

"BETTY! THE NAKED JACKASS! YOU WERE JUST TALKING TO HIM!"

"…What are you talking about?"

_My God, I am going to have to kill her._

"You called me to bitch about Bob, remember?" Her voice was far too smug for his taste.

"That is so not fucking funny." He could almost hear the large grin that he knew she had plastered on.

"I'm not trying to be funny, Perry. I really have no idea what you're talking about. Now, if you didn't call to talk about your suspension, then we have nothing else to discuss. I was in the middle of taking care of your son. You _do_ remember him, right?"

"But-" She cut him off with a disapproving _tsk tsk tsk_.

"Goodbye Perry. Have fun talking to imaginary people!" she cackled. When he heard the click, he nearly flung his phone into the ocean. It was only the prospect of complete isolation that stopped him. He searched the horizon, only to find no trace of the black-haired idiot anywhere about the water.

"Still," Perry explained to the receding tide, "no matter what Jordan said, I did _nawt_ just hallucinate that entire conversation. I mean, it's not like Jordan being a demonic, scheming bitch is anything new. Certainly there are enough random, naked, quickly-vanishing men in my life to not care about them anymore." He nodded sagely, agreeing with himself.

"Doesn't matter which way you look at it, though, four hours seems a long way to travel just to grab some piece of ass she's already had and could have in the hospital any time she wanted. I mean, why here? Why now, three days after she kicked me out of my car – my car, damnit! – telling me I was just another child to her?"

He fell out of his monologue with a "Damn Newbie, now I'm doing it…" before suddenly remembering the hellcat's words about the box. He turned his back on the ocean and slid his phone into his pocket, backtracking into the cavern. Taking a deep breath, he slowly lifted the lid.

Inside, he found hundreds of Polaroid pictures. He gaped silently and watched as his hands began, of their own accord, to thread through them. There were pictures of Jordan, Ben, Danni, Perry himself, Jack, various Sullivan family members, and even a few of JD. A slightly worn photo near the top of the pile caught his eye. Perry grabbed a hold of the crinkled edges, smoothing them over.

It was of Ben, aged fourteen or fifteen, in a pair of swimming trunks so damned unfashionable Perry couldn't believe Ben wore them, and that god awful seashell necklace he had worn for as long as Perry could remember. He was giving a good-natured noogie to another similarly clothed boy. Both were smiling and laughing, seemingly unaware of the camera. Just the way Ben liked it.

Perry slowly smiled at the carefree expression on his best friend's face, ignoring the rather painful twist he felt in his chest, but when he glanced over at other boy –

_No way._

_No frickin' way._

The photo slid from Perry's grasp, floating in the air before he snatched it back. Ben appeared no older than sixteen, yet his friend… he looked exactly the same as he always had. Perry's eyes roved furiously over the slightly faded Polaroid, searching in vain for some small clue that he was wrong.

Perry was never wrong.

The Janitor deserved everything he got.

Jordan knew exactly what he had been talking about on the phone.

And that was definitely JD – his girly, candy-bracelet-loving resident – in the photo. Doe-eyed, gel-haired, and not a day under twenty-six.

---

**AN:** Ta Da! Love it? Like it? Hate it? Want me to burn in a pile of stinky goo for all eternity? Tell me about it, stud.

Also, special note of recognization for Joanna Helper's wonderful idea of what it was that the Janitor could have done to the Perry. Seriously, colonic tubing? She's a genius I tell you.


End file.
